


The way it hurts

by FireFistAce



Category: Naruto
Genre: Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Psychological Torture, Torture, Tortured Maito Gai|Might Guy, heavy torture, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:20:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24234925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireFistAce/pseuds/FireFistAce
Summary: Kakashi doesn't look away from him, his sharingan spinning like he wants to remember Gai's face in his last moment. "No one will miss you anyway." And Gai can feel it, the Raikiri cutting through his body.He wants to scream, but blood is filling his mouth, drowning every sound in a wet gurgle, and his body is spasming, fighting against his bindings, trying to escape the pain even though he can't move.He can feel a hand gripping at his heart, and it's a wonder that he's still alive, when the hand clench tight around the beating organ.Gai screams.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	The way it hurts

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! A couple of quick things before I'll leave you to the story: I deleted "And so it begins", not because I won't continue it, but because there are things that I have to fix and re-write, so I'll post it again later. Other than that, I just wanted to say that i never wrote something like this. It's not my first time with tortures, but this... I don't even know what this is. I'm satisfied, but I'm also taken aback by my own imagination.  
> Another thing I would like to say is: if you see any mistake, please tell me. English is not my first language, and I would like to improve myself, thank you in advice.  
> Having said what I had to say, I hope you'll like this story! And maybe I'll write a sequel when I feel like it, I'd like to explore Gai's psyche after all this shit. Also, Gai's, like, seventeen here, poor little boy.  
> Enjoy the story!

Gai doesn’t exactly knows what happened. He remembers returning from a B-rank mission with Genma and Ebisu in tow, all three of them tired like the mission lasted for months instead of the three days it took them to reach their goal. Ebisu was also on the verge of chakra exhaustion, and Genma had a broken arm and probably a couple of cracked ribs. Gai was the healthiest of the team, with his body aching after using the gates to push them through the mission, and that was probably why they hadn’t sense the enemies until it was to late.

Gai remembers opening the first two gates, despite his aching body, to give his friends a way to escape, because he was the only one who could even _hope_ to get out from another fight (it was a mistery how Ebisu was even still _awake_ , and Genma really shouldn’t use his arm in that condition).

Gai also remembers fighting, or at least attempting to. He needed to let his friends escape, because then they would arrive home, and if Gai never returned they would send help, but after a particularly strong kick to his stomach, followed by his back hitting a tree with a worrisome crack, the world is just pitch black.

-

The smell is the first thing that Gai senses upon regaining consciousness. The stench of blood and mould and who knows what other things is strong, and it makes him wrinkle his noise in disgust.

The second thing that returns is his hearing. There’s a constant sound somewhere, something like a drop of water hitting rock, and then there are voices, even though they’re muffled, reaching his ears like his head is stuck in a bowl of molasses.

The last thing he notices, before opening his eyes, is that he can’t move his body. His back is pressed against something that feels like a wooden pole, big and wide enough to cover his entire back, and his hands are tied behind it with something that doesn’t quite feel like a rope, to thin to be it. His legs are also tied against the pole, the rope-not-quite-rope cutting through his flesh at every attempted movement.

When he finally open his eyes, and he lift his head from where it was abandoned against his chest, he finds that he’s in some sort of room carved in the stone, an artificial cave, big enough to fit in three people at most. The door, made of blackened steel, or maybe it’s iron? Gai doesn’t really know, is open wide, and outside the room there are two people talking. The voices he heard while he was waking up, Gai supposes.

He’s also tied upright, his feet don’t touch the ground and his weight is pulling him down just slightly, his body kept in place by a chakra wire tied tight around him.

He’s confused, and his body hurts, and his head is pounding and he doesn’t know what happened or why he’s even alive.

He thought they would have killed him by now, instead of keeping him captive. His captors probably had something in mind for him, maybe they just wanted to ask something to Konoha in exchange of his freedom.

Gai hopes to be right.

When one of the enemies walked in the room, however, he knew that he’s wrong, because the man in front of him has an evil glint in his eyes that speak of tortures, and Gai has to use every ounce of power he has to not flinch at the thought.

He never had to endure torture before, but he remembers the special lesson held in a T&I room about how a shinobi must never crumble under the enemy hands. He also remembers, vaguely, about various ways to keep your mind strong enough to withstand a lot of things, and he remembers clearly Ibiki’s last words, just before the lesson ended.

_If you feel like you can’t keep your mouth shut, then you’ll have to bite your tongue hard enough to cut it away. That way, no matter the torture, you won’t be able to talk anymore._

He would lie if he said that he wasn’t afraid.

“You’re finally awake!” The man said, his voice cheerful, and Gai winced at the loud volume, his head throbbing painfully. “I thought Akane-Chan had hit you too hard. It’s a relief to see that you’re still alive, kid.” The enemy smiled at him, one hand brought up to pat the boy on the cheek a couple of time. “Now we can have a nice little chat, don’t you think?”

Sadly for him, the nice smile on his face was totally ruined by the way his emerald eyes lit up at the idea of a _nice little chat_ , and also Gai’s not stupid enough to think that someone who tied him up on a pole in the middle of a room as big as his bathroom would want to talk nicely.

When there was no answer, the smile on the man’s face didn’t waver, but his hand grabbed Gai’s chin with enough strenght to make him wince, the other sliding along his chest to press over where he was kicked before losing consciousness, causing the boy to gulp down a pained sound.

He probably had some cracked ribs, he thought.

“I said,” the man said, his eyes so hard in contrast of his nice smile. “That we’re going to have a nice chat.” His voice was low and sing-songed, and Gai could feel the threat hidden behind every word. “And you’ll spill every little secret that you know. Right, kid?”

_A shinobi must never crumble. If you can’t protect your village, and you can’t keep your mouth shut, than you’re weak._

Ibiki’s voice filled his mind, but Gai didn’t need to remember him to know what to do. He took in a painful breath, his chest moving right under the enemy’s hand, before opening his mouth. “I will never betray Konoha.” He spat out, and the hand on his chin was suddenly on his throat, squeezing enough to be uncomfortable but not enough to cut of his breath.

“I guess that’s fair. I wouldn’t betray my village, either.” The man was saying, with that sing-songed voice that Gai already found annoying. “But I’m sure I’ll make you sing like a pretty little bird soon enough, kid. I just hope you won’t break too soon, we’ll have a lot of fun together.”

-

It was easy, at first. The woman who kicked him was looking at him with bright blue eyes, her black hair moving with her body everytime she hit him with a kick or with a punch, but Gai was used to the pain and if he focused hard on the way her dress moved with every swing, on the way her mouth would twist with unhappiness every time he didn’t respond or the way her hair created pretty waves in the hair with every movement, then it was easy to ignore the growing pain.

His green spandex was also removed after the first hour or so of kicking and punching, so Gai could see his body littered with emerging bruises almost everywhere, and the chill of the room seeped more easily in his skin and bones.

Chest, face, legs, arms. No place on his body was left alone, and when she stopped Gai was sore like never before. His body was screaming in pain, begging to be left to rest, but the boy didn’t beg. He didn’t talk, either. At some point, the woman even broke his fingers, but he bit his lower lip until it bled to keep himself from making noises.

After she left, the man from the start returned and tried to ask him some things.

_It would be good if we could kill even just that dead bastard’s son_ , he said, his hand passing on his bruises, pressing here and there to make him jerk in pain. _I know that you’re friend with him. The White Fang’s son_. And wasn’t that a very, very bad thing? Gai didn’t go often on missions with Kakashi, so that meant that someone from Konoha was in contact with his captors.

The idea that someone from Konoha was working against it’s shinobi was enough to make his skin crawl, especially since Kakashi was, despite the age, one of the best, and they wanted to _kill him_.

If Gai had every intention not to talk before knowing that, now he was even more convinced to keep his mouth shut.

The man wasn’t very amused by his decision.

_Let’s see if you can hold on until it’s_ my _turn to play with you._ He said, with that smile of his, his eyes sharp and hard. _I guess in a couple of days you’ll break no matter what._ And wasn’t that a terrible promise.

When the man left him alone again, Gai let his head fall against his chest, gritting his teeth.

He would endure everything, he promised to himself.

-

What he supposed was the second day started bad.

Gai hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but his body was aching so much, and maybe the right term to use was to _pass out_ , but it was just a little detail he couldn’t think over, not when freezing cold water was splashed on his face, making him shiver.

The man in front of him was someone new. It wasn’t the one who asked him questions the day before, and certainly it wasn’t the woman who kicked and punched him for hours on end.

Gai didn’t know what to expect from him, but he could try to guess just by looking at the two big bucket filled to the brim with water and kept between him and his new torturer.

The man did some hand seals too fast for his tired mind to follow, and Gai watched in almost horror as the water of one of the two bucket, responding to some jutsu he didn’t know, rised from where it rested and shaped itself in a perfect sphere and held right in front of his face.

“You know, kid,” the man said, looking at him through the water in the air, his brown eyes almost showing pity. “If you just talk, we could skip all this.” Gai growled something close to _over my dead body_ , and the man laughed, before forcing the water to surround Gai’s whole head.

The water was icy, and Gai tried to move away, but couldn’t. In the position he was, it was impossible to escape the freezing water around his head, and in a moment of panic he tried to breath. The inability to do so, however, just fueled his panic, and he trashed, moving against the chakra wire keeping him tied to the wooden pole, feeling it cut his skin, trying to free himself.

It was all useless, and the more his strenght started fade away the more the panic grew. And just when he was about to pass out, the water was taken away from his face, making him gasp and cough, spitting water on the ground, his hair wet and sticking to his head, his lungs heavy and his throat burning.

Of course they would use jutsus, Gai was a stupid if he thought they would just kick him to make him talk. They were shinobis, they used every weapon they could.

The time to regain breath was short, too short for Gai’s tastes, and soon enough he was immersed again in a sphere of freezing water. Through the watery surface and the black spots that started to dance around the edges of his eyes, he saw someone else enter the room. Their voice was muffled until the man let the water drop, letting Gai take deep and desperate breaths, and after clearing his vision he finally saw that the second person was also a man, taller than the first one and leaner, his frame almost feminine.

He was also saying something, but Gai wasn’t really paying attention, too busy trying to breath enough to last longer when the water would be raised again around him.

The water, however, didn’t came.

Instead, the taller man approached him, one hand held out to touch his cheek, little sparkles crackling between his fingers, and Gai stiffened.

The man chuckled, his eyes as green as the newly born grass and filled with amusement, before touching him.

The shock wasn’t as strong as Gai would have escpected it to be, but his body jerked as soon as the fingers imbued with electricity brushed his skin, the force of it probably increased by the fact that his face was wet, and everyone knows that water is a very good conductor.

With wide eyes he looked at both his torturers, his heart beating madly in his chest and his breath heavier than before.

The man who talked to him the day before was hovering just outside the open door, looking at him and waiting for him to crack and to spill everything he knew about Kakashi, but Gai would never betray his rival and best friend, even while electricity coursed through his body, making him scream in pain and making him wish to be dead.

A dead shinobi can’t betray the village, after all.

The _game_ , as they called it at some point, went on for who knows how much. Gai had no way to keep track of the time, and the only thing that he knew was that, when the two stopped wetting his body before electrocuting it, his heart was beating in a way that could _not_ be healthy, and his body was trembling and spasming, his breath on the verge of hiccuping.

He could barely understand that grown-ups probably twice his age didn’t have any problems torturing a boy not even out of his teenager years.

At the end of the day, or what he thought was the end of the day (why else would they leave him alone? They probably went to sleep), the man with the emerald eyes paid him another visit, his smile even wider than the day before, but Gai’s tongue was too heavy to move and to answer him with some snarky words, and his head was hanging uselessly against his chest, so he couldn’t even glare at him.

_Tomorrow_ , he said, before leaving the room again. _Tomorrow is the last day. And then it’s finally my turn._

His words were full of promises, and Gai didn’t want to find out what this man wanted to do to him.

_Kill me already,_ he wanted to say.

He didn’t say it.

-

On what Gai thinks is the third day, he’s greeted by a man as big as a bear, all muscles and bad intentions. He’s not like the one who used water the day before, he doesn’t try to talk to him, and his eyes, pitch black, are dark and emotionless.

It gives him chills.

The man just looks at him for what seems a very long time, only moving his head a bit on the side some times, almost as if studying him from every angle possible, before grabbing a kunai from his leg pouch.

A couple of hand seals later, the kunai was glowing red from the fire the man channeled in it, the blade now burning hot.

Gai tried not to flinch, but it was almost impossible when the blade was near his skin enough to let him feel the fire without even touching it.

The man kept the kunai there, just a hair away from his skin covered in cold sweat, and grabbed his face in the other hand to force his eyes to stay on him, and only when he was sure that Gai couldn’t look away he let the blade touch him, pressing on his right side until a cry of pain escaped the boy’s lips.

When the man took the blade away, without ever taking his eyes off Gai’s face, probably enjoying his pain, the skin was angry red, and tears were threatening to spill from Gai’s eyes.

It was to much, he thought. His resolve would crumble sooner or later, and he knew it. He couldn’t hope to keep up with all this, he was only seventeen, and even though he already saw war, and for shinobi standards he was like an adult, he never had to endure all this before, it was taking its toll on his body and mind.

He was tired. If he talked now, then they would kill him and he would be able to rest.

The thought made him sick. How could he even _think_ about betraying his best friend? But as the kunai, hot with fire, sliced through his skin and a scream escaped from his lips, he wondered if someone was even coming to take him back home.

He was just one boy, Konoha would probably leave him to die, he didn’t even know who knows what kind of secrets, he couldn’t cause a big damage if he talked.

The Hokage had better things to do than to worry about him. A lot of shinobis disappeared on missions, he wouldn’t be the first, and Genma and Ebisu were in a bad shape, so they couldn’t search for him, not right away anyway, and who knows where he will be when they’ll finally be able to find him.

The kunai sinking in his left shoulder jolted him abruptly out of his thoughts, those pitch black eyes never leaving his face, studying him and taking in every single twitch, the way Gai would shut his eyes, the way he would take deep, shaky breaths, the way he would clench his teeth to keep in every sound, almost always failing to keep his pain for himself.

How could someone enjoy so much watching others suffer? Gai honestly didn’t understand.

“That should do, Kuma, thank you.” The sing-songed voice cut through the haze that was filling Gai’s head right now, his whole body screaming in pain and unable to s _top shaking_ , and than the emerald eyed man was in front of him once again, caressing his cheek with light fingers, almost caring.

Gai flinched away from his hand, and the man’s smile grew wider.

“You know, if you talk I can end all this.” He said, and Gai had to bit the inside of his cheek until it drew blood to stop himself from crumbling and accepting his fate.

He was a stubborn asshole when he wanted to be, and this man will see it. Gai prefered to die before selling his friends to the enemy, and Kakashi was a friend. He didn’t know why this person wanted to kill him, but a lot of people were after Kakashi’s head, so he wasn’t even too surprised.

“Ah, I see how it is. I guess I’ll have a bit of fun with you, then.” His voice was amused, and when he brought his head near Gai’s ear, he was almost laughing. “Don’t say I didn’t warned you, kid.” When he drew back, his smile was more of a feral grin, and he gave him a pat on the cheek before walking away.

“Have fun!” Was all he said, before the door closed behind him, and Gai was left alone.

He didn’t understand, but not knowing what to expect was keeping him on edge.

He wasn’t able to rest his aching body, that night.

-

The first thing he heard, over the pounding of his head, was a voice. And then a second. Someone was talking right outside the door of his cell, and it seemed an heated conversation.

He couldn’t quite hear what the people outside were saying, but there was something about their voices that made Gai’s heart beat faster. Because one of the two sounded just like Ebisu.

When Gai opened his mouth to say something, the sound that fell from his lips was a strangled one. His throat hurt like hell, probably because the bastards made him scream quite a bit during their tortures, and it felt like Gai had tried to swallow sand-paper.

With a frustrated grunt he tried again, but the result wasn’t better than before. Regardless of his inability to talk, however, the door opened after a while, revealing a very worried Ebisu with his clothes stained with still fresh blood.

Something wasn’t quite right, Gai thought for just a moment, before relief pulled him away from such thought, and something that wasn’t quite a word left his chapped lips, something akin to Ebisu’s name, while the boy hurried to his side, kunai in hand.

A relieved sigh fell from Gai’s lips, who let his head fall against his chest, the tiredness and the pain too much to keep up. He could barely keep his eyes open, but he was sure that Ebisu would understand.

They were teammates and friends, after all.

But something was wrong, because Ebisu wasn’t freeing him. He wasn’t cutting the wires binding him, he was just... There. In front of him, looking at him from behind his glasses.

It was unsettling.

When Gai raised his head, a confused sound stuck in his damaged throat, he saw his friend with his kunai raised, face blank and expressionless, his stance almost relaxed.

“They said that you talked.” He said, his voice blank like his face, and Gai looked at him like he couldn’t believe what he just heard, because Ebisu couldn’t be serious, could he? He couldn’t have seriously listened to what the enemies said, because they were _enemies_ , while Gai was his _friend_ and _comrade_ , but then Ebisu was shaking his head, a disapproving look on his face.

“I always thought that you couldn’t go too far,” he was saying, and Gai’s body stiffened, the kunai in Ebisu’s hand now held against his stomach, pressed with enough strenght that a little bit of blood was sliding down from a light cut.

A choked sound resonated in Gai’s throat, but no words came.

“And I was right. You let yourself being captured like a weak genin,” Gai wanted to argue. _I was tired when they attacked us_ , he wanted to say. _I was strong enough to held them back to make you escape_ , he wanted to shout. “I don’t even know why I wasted my time looking for you.” And even though Ebisu’s eyes were hidden behind his glasses, Gai was sure the boy was looking right at him.

The blade cut deeper, and Gai gasped in pain, his muscles clenching, his body moving and trying to get away from the kunai, but moving only made it worst, and Ebisu’s lips quirked up in a crooked smile, the hand holding the weapon now full of Gai’s warm blood.

Fear was coursing through Gai’s body, his heart beating wildly, pumping blood even faster than normal, and it hurt. _Ithurtithurtithurt_.

His mind was trying to understand what was happening. Was the enemy using a henge? Maybe they were just pretending to be Gai’s friend-

A sudden twist of the kunai tore a hoarse scream from Gai’s lips, and the blade was moving, cutting through his flesh like it was butter, exposing his organs.

Gai felt a hand slipping _inside_ his body, grabbing his intestines and _pulling_.

There was a scream somewhere, Gai barely noted. Was it his voice? His breath was coming in harsh and irregular pants, his whole body shutting down from too much pain, and his vision was filling with black spots.

He wondered if this really was his end, killed by someone who he thought was a friend, and let his eyes fall shut, his head lolling against his chest, life slowly slipping away-

And then he jerked awake, eyes wide and mouth open in a soundless scream, air filling his lungs, body trembling, stomach churning.

He almost threw up, but he was able to keep everything inside himself.

In front of him, the emerald-eyed man watched amused.

_A Genjutsu_ , he thought, anger and fear mixing inside him. How was he supposed to fight a genjutsu in this state? He could barely keep himself awake right now, he wasn’t strong enough to fight back.

“Are you ready to talk?” The man’s sing-songed voice cut through the haze in his mind, making him shiver, but Gai was stubborn, and he bared his teeth in a weak snarl.

“Never.” He said, his throat clenching around his words, and the man only laughed.

“That’s okay,” he murmured, his smile so wide it seemed impossible. “We have all the time in the world.”

-

The second illusion wasn’t too different from the first one, but instead of Ebisu, Genma was the one ‘finding’ him, and hope bloomed inside Gai before he told himself that this one couldn’t be the reality, because he remembers the emerald-eyed man leaving the room, just like he did before the first one, and that means that this is not real, right? But when Genma look at him with such worried gaze, he feels himself falter.

What if it r _eally_ was real? At some point, the real ones will find him, or at least he hopes so. He just needs to endure it untile then. And he smiles at Genma, until his throat is slit open and he feels himself drowing on his own blood, his voice just a wet gurgle.

-

Gai’s not sure how many times he died already. He was gutted, he had his throat sliced, his limbs cut, his eyes removed from his face, his heart, still beating, carved away from his chest. He’s sure Not-Genma poisoned him at some point, and Not-Ebisu cooked him alive with a katon, and the only thing discerning illusion from reality were those emerald eyes, the man who asked him, after every death, if he was ready to talk.

Gai never talked.

And he was sure that he could keep up, that he could endure everything the man threw at him. That was, until the door opened yet again, but the one walking in the room was not Ebisu nor Genma.

A bright tuft of silver hair, an uniform too big for a seventeen year old boy and mismatched eyes.

Gai felt his hopes arise for a brief moment, because they never used Kakashi, so this must be the reality, right? But Kakashi was staring at him him with a hard gaze, and his clothes were clean, not a drop of blood on them, and that was impossible.

Kakashi would have killed everyone in his path without caring about the blood.

But Gai wasn’t ready for this. He thought his captors would stick with Ebisu and Genma to break him, since they were his teammates, but this? This was on another level, because Kakashi was his best friend, and the idea of being killed by him was enough to make his resolve falter.

If he talked now, would Not-Kakashi stop before it was too late?

“I found you,” Not-Kakashi was saying, the sharingan spinning lazily. And wasn’t that a huge red flag about the fact that all this was an illusion? Kakashi never kept his sharingan uncovered without a reason or a strong opponent to fight.

Gai watched him without uttering a word. He had learned, after the fourth or fifth time his throat was cut open, that it was best if he just stayed quiet. His throat hurt anyway, in a mix of real and phantom pain, and it was best for him to avoid straining it.

“I thought they killed you already,” Not-Kakashi’s voice was lazy, like when he’s walking around Konoha with an open book in his hand and his posture relaxed. “It would have been a shame. I would have wasted my time for nothing, if you were already dead.”

Gai opens his mouth when Not-Kakashi stands in front of him, unmoving and waiting. “Are you here to save me?” He asks, and it’s impossible to keep his voice steady, a weak and useless hope hidden somewhere inside him.

Not-Kakashi shakes his head. "You're a liability we cannot afford." He says, while his hand lights up with the sound of a thousand birds chirping. "You probably already spilled everything you know, anyway." And Gai almost wants to talk, to say that that's not true, that he didn't talk, he didn't gave away anything, but he knows that it’ll be useless, and he doesn’t speak.

Cold, mismatched eyes are staring at him.

Gai doesn’t beg for his life, he knows that his voice would just be drowned by the defeaning sound of the Raikiri.

Not-Kakashi bring his hand up, aligning it with his chest, right above his thundering heart, and Gai can feel every hair on his body stand up.

_Please don't_ , he wants to say. _I don't deserve it. Why do you want me dead?_

Not-Kakashi doesn't look away from him, his sharingan spinning like he wants to remember Gai's face in his last moment. "No one will miss you anyway." And Gai can feel it, the Raikiri cutting through his body.

He wants to scream, but blood is filling his mouth, drowning every sound in a wet gurgle, and his body is spasming, fighting against his bindings, trying to escape the pain even though he can't move.

_Hecan'tmovehecan'tmovehecan'tmove._

He can feel a hand gripping at his heart, and it's a wonder that he's still alive, when the hand clench tight around the beating organ.

Gai screams, his eyes wide, his mouth open, until everything stops, abruptly. He’s forcibly sent back to reality, and he's still alive, but the genjutsu was so realistic that he can still feel the lingering pain coursing through his body.

His limbs jerk, his muscles spasm, and then he's throwing up what little he has in his stomach. Mostly bile. And he's to shocked to notice that he's throwing up mostly on himself. He's trembling like never before, and he feels like he can't breath.

Emerald eyes are looking at him. _Enemy_ , Gai barely thinks, and he's not sure if he's glad that he doesn't see mismatched eyes or not. "Are you ready to talk, my pretty bird?" His tone seems light, and Gai can hear the amusement hidden behind his smile.

He's a fucking toy to them. Gai wants to scream.

He doesn't scream, forcing himself to clench his teeth tight, pushing down the sudden surge of saying _"Yes, please, just don't torture me anymore."_ Because that's not what a truly shinobi would say, because no matter the torture, Gai would never sell his best friend to an enemy-nin.

After a couple of seconds of silence, in which his enemy’s patient seems ready to end, Gai takes a very shaky breath, he unclenches his teeth and then he opens his mouth. The man is watching him with something akin to satisfaction, but Gai's not ready to give up, not yet. He's also very tired, his throat feels like he gulped down paper sand, and he can't force anything past only one word, "Never." He hisses.

He’s tired, but he thinks that maybe, if his mind shatter, he’ll be unable to say anything. His mind is in no state to think right now, he’s useless anyway.

He sees the man taking a step back, before exiting the little room he's kept in, leaving him alone.

-

At some point, between a death and the other, things changes drastically. The first time it happened resulted in a pretty hard hit on Gai's already damaged psyche.

The illusion was strong enough to convince him that he was back in Konoha, his tired body laying on a bed with white sheets, surrounded by white walls and the smell of antiseptics.

_The hospital_ , Gai had thought when it happened, his heart leaping in his throat for the force of sheer relief he was feeling at that moment. _They finally saved me!_

When the Hokage walked in his room, face carefully blank and nice eyes, Gai wasn't even too surprised. The Hokage probably needed to know if his mind was in a good enough state to continue being an active shinobi, Gai knew that it was standard procedure.

You can't have a mentally weak shinobi in the field, it would mean certain death.

What he didn't except was Kakashi in his ANBU uniform, mask blank and unblinking, making Gai shiver, his sore body protesting at the sudden movement.

"Gai-kun," the Hokage said, snapping Gai back into reality, his black eyes leaving Hound's mask to meet the Sandaime gaze. "It's good to see that you are finally awake. There are some things we need to discuss as soon as possible."

And wasn't that _reassuring._

"I'll..." He coughed, his voice rough and his throat sore. "I'll help as best as I can, Sandaime-Sama." It took a bit to convince the words to roll out from his dry lips, but he managed.

The Hokage smiled at him.

"Good, because it seems that you're a traitor, Gai-kun, and I would like for you to explain yourself." And that... Wasn't what Gai was expectint to hear.

With wide eyes he looked at the Hokage, taken aback, his body stiffening. "I... What? But..." He staggered, and he coughed, and he really needed to calm down because he knows that acting panicked will only be bad for him. "They... They tortured me, to make me talk, but... But I never talked about anything."

The Sandaime hummed a bit, thoughtful, before sighing. "A team of enemy shinobis were able to sneak in the village, and they went straight for Kakashi with the intention to kill," this was not going to end well, Gai thought. But Hound was there, and that meant that Kakashi wasn't injured. "We interrogated one of them, and he told us about you and how you talked after the very first day of tortures."

Now, Gai thought, was a matter of his pride as a shinobi, because he endured everything, he was killed countless times by his friends, he was almost drowned, electrocuted, cut and burned, his body was full of injuries that would probably leave a lot of scars, and how could the Hokage believe the _enemy_?

"But that's not true!" He said, forcing his body to sit up, when he felt something tug at his wrists. "I was- what?" Confused he looked down, and his wrists were both tied to the bed by thick ropes. "Why... Why am I tied?"

The Hokage shook his head, a look of displeasure mixed with regret on his face. "I'm afraid I can't believe you, Gai-kun, not when the proofs are pointing towards you." With a hand, he gestured Hound to approach him, near Gai's bound form, the ANBU's tantō drawn slowly from its sheath on Kakashi's back. "We had to tie you to the bed so that you would not escape, or fight."

That wasn't right. _That wasn't right._ Gai could barely breath, his chest heavy with panic in front of Not-Hound's blade, and it seemed to light up, electricity running through it.

"I'm sorry, Gai-kun. I hope you understand that I can't let someone like you alive." Not-Hokage's voice was light, it wasn't the voice of someone who just asked one of his ANBU to kill one of his injured and defensless Shinobi.

Gai tried to beg, he asked the Sandaime to let him live. He tugged at his bindings to try and free himself, he asked for forgiveness, saying that it was all a mistake.

Everything fell on deaf ears, and when the blade came down, Gai found himself unable to even scream.

He stared at the white and emotionless mask in front of him, and then his head hit the white floor with a _Thud_.  
-

( _Please kill me_ , is what Gai says as soon as the illusion fades away.

The emerald-eyed man laugh, amused.

_If you talk_ , he says. _If you talk, I’ll finally kill you._

Gai doesn’t talk.)

-

When the door of his cell opens again, Gai is on the verge of crying.

He’s tired, both physically and mentally. He doesn’t even know how many times he’ dead, he lost count after a while, and he can’t take it anymore.

Then, a familiar tuft of silver hair comes into view, and Gai just wants to go home and see the real Kakashi, and the real Genma, and the real Ebisu and the real Hokage, but he doesn't know anymore what is real and what is not.

And when Not-Kakashi approaches him with hurried steps, clothes dirty with blood and hitai-ate askew in a way that seemed like he pull it down in a hurry, and touches his cheek to make him look at him, Gai visible flinches, even though he doesn't jerk away from the warm hand, because he doesn't have the strenght to move anymore.

"Kakashi..." Is what he rasps, weak and defeated, and the young man in front of him seems almost taken aback by how weak he sounds. Gai's throat hurt, it feels like it's on fire, and he almost chokes on his own sobs when the tears start running down his face. He's really not a pretty sight, but it's not like he cares right now. "Please..." He begs. "No more..."

Not-Kakashi's expression is almost unreadable, and it's his only visible eye that betray the worry he's feeling right now. Because Gai is always so strong, and for him to be in this state? It's worriesome like nothing else is. At least, Gai thinks, this time Not-Kakashi’s Sharingan is covered, and Gai is glad, because he’s sure that he couldn’t stand his red eye one more time.

When Not-Kakashi disappears from his sight, Gai wonders if he’s going to cut his fingers. He can feel a hand on his wrists, and then the blade of a kunai between them, and Gai closes his eyes, waiting for the pain that would surely arrive.

The pain doesn’t come.

Instead, Gai finds himself suddenly free from the wire that was keeping him tied to the wooden pole, and gravity pulls him _down_ for a long moment before an arm is around his waist, keeping him from crashing on the floor.

Not-Kakashi is looking at him, and he seems so worried, so differently from the usual illusion.

Gai wonders if he finally lost his mind, and Not-Kakashi is talking, he can see his lips moving, but he can’t hear him.

He feels like his head is full of cotton, he doesn’t even feel pain when Not-Kakashi moves his body to arrange him on his back, his heavy head falling on his shoulder.

Before he let his eyes shut close, he hears a voice muffled and far away.

_You’re safe now, I’ve got you._


End file.
